THE WORLD IN TURMOIL with Dr Vern Pullen  

(Dr Pullen is Profess of Advanced Psychotronics at the International Jim Jones Mail Order University and is so hip that he was once asked to play the role of Charlie Parker in a behop version of the Black and White Minstrels).  

Hey, it's no secret that l own the only pair of mongoose skin bongo drums in this country which along with my mongoose skin underpants have been personally auto graphed by the desk clerk at Manhattan's Chelsea Hotel! Does that make me hip? Hell, it sure does and so it was with great umbrage that I read in this week's METRO, Lynden Barber's guide to all things hip and holy in which he had the audacity to list this very publication (namely ON THE STREET) as being, wait for it, an 'unhip magazine'.

The mere suggestion that someone of my own intellectual calibre would contribute to an 'unhip' publication raises not only my shackles but the hairs on my Afghan hound skin rug (beautifully embroided with an obscene quotation from Lenny Bruce). Having previously written for such bibles of the hip as The Bronx Trading Post, Bondage Weekly, The Macedonia Weekly Herald and The Riponshire Advocate, I can safely say that my hipness permeates the whole weekly vibe of OTS with the possible exception of HARD ROCK HEDONISM or anything written by Colin Ink.

So forget about all that neo-beatnik hep speak and park your peepers on Dr Pullen's `Nipper than hip' HIPSTER'S MANUAL, now permanently inscribed on the back of a John Coltrane memorial car cushion and available at the Piccolo Bar or the Jim Jones Op Shop for a mere $9.99.

HIP NAMES TO DROP:
Dr William McCoy, Big Tiny Little, Muammar Gaddafi, Rasputin (The Musical), Crocodile Dundee, Bonecrusher, G. Gordon Liddy, Mandy Rice Davies, Charles Manson, The Kings Cross Bag Lady, Richard Clapton. Sydney's favourite dictator of style prepares to broadcast this week's list of things hip and unhip to his eager but ignorant audience.

UNHIP NAMES TO DROP:
Mikhail Alexandrovich, Rasputin (The Mad Monk), Suzi Quatro, Leatherface, The Spunk Bubbles, Richard Clayton, Princess Panda, Bulldog Brower.

HIP MAGAZINES:
On The Street, Bronx Trading Post, Australia Undercover, Weekly World News, Fangoria, Crimson Celluloid, Trotguide, East Village "Suck", Hoofs & Horns, Open Road.

HIP BARS:
Hollywood Hotel (Surry Hills), Mansions (Kings Cross), Oz Rock Cafe (Kings Cross), Gilligan's Island, Fitzroy Gardens, Belmore Park.

HIP CINEMAS:
Hub at Newtown, Sinema in Oxford Street and Bass Hill Drive-In (R.I.P.)

HIP VENUES:
Cupid's Nitespot, Viking Tavern, Riponshire R.S.L., Mansions Hotel (public bar), Silverwater Speedboat Club, Pickled Possum (Cremorne), Love Machine (Kings Cross), Dr Pullen's bedroom.

HIP APPAREL:
Naturally anything fashioned out of mongoose skin, in particular underwear or Ugh Boots. Be seen in your poodle fur jump suit, your own ex abbatoir blood soaked hessian bag or your festering sore pattern one piece swimsuit.

UNHIP APPAREL:
Anything mail order from Stiletto, shitty underpants, wet socks, snake skin jodphurs, bikini brief made out of prairie dog heads, anything that smelts of mustard.

Next week I'll be changing my name to Rahsaan Roland Slaughterlord Kirk and will headline a five band thrash bill at Max's with my own fast metal avant garde jazz outfit. I'll be wearing a pair of pizza stained underpants and a photo of Fats Navarro plastered to my face. Am I hip or not?

ON THE STREET, Wednesday 29th April, 1987 - Page 11