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Vern Pullen OTS 18/03/1987 |
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Written by Administrator
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Apr 17, 2008 at 06:34 AM |
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(Dr. Pullen is Professor Of Advanced Psychotronics at the International Jim Jones Mail Order University and wants to know who in the hell is Yngwie J. Malmsteen?)
Hey those CHANTOOZIES Make me OOZY! This band of beautiful young people and soapie stars are just the ooziest and it's a real shame that my body responds accordingly, like secreting two litres of stomach bile and enough regurgitated pineapple and Bon Jovi pizzas to fill all the sick bags on a Boeing 707 and still have enough left over to stuff down an old sock.
Wow, when I saw their grinning photo in the paper did I get angry! I wanted to go into the newsagent, rip every copy of Dolly off the racks and hand out free enlightenment packs Of Australian Searchlight and Naughty Sydney.
I mean for years the Jim Jones University has been doing their bit for combos such as BOX THE JESUIT, THE SPUNK BUBBLES, THE MARSHMELLOW MEN, BRONTOSAURUS and MASSIVE APPENDAGE and no offence intended, let's face it there are some pretty ugly and nasty looking people in these bands. And then along come the CHANTOOZIES, looking for all intents and purposes like the cast of a Pepsi generation commercial. Not content to wallow on the sets of "Young Doctors" and "Sons & Daughters" they now seem hellbent on oozing through every rock'n'roll hellhole in Sydney.
These people have already got Palm Beach, The Bayswater Brassiere (sic), Fiascos, Arthurs, every MG in town and their own solariums - now they want the rock gigs as well. Hey, they've just got to learn that not everybody in this world sleeps under a donna and sprays deodorant all over their body about twenty times a day and shrieks with delight as they flip the pages of Follow Me and Hero. There are lots of ugly, revolting, fat, flabby and nasty people in this world who would never pass the audition for Perfect Match and the Jim Jones University speaks for them all when we say - RACK OFF CHANTOOZIES!
It's just as well I'm not a booking agent as I would have been awfully tempted to sabotage the whole tour by sneaking them onto a five band thrash bill at Max's. Imagine the looks of dismay on the faces of David Reyne and Tot Goldsmith as they are suddenly confronted by three hundred slamming, sweaty, Bobbing, totally nasty (but nice) punk'n'thrash freaks. Hey, it would be like booking Escape into the Don Burrows Supper Club or The Cramps into the raindrop Fountain at Roselands (the mum's would go crazy!) or the Spunk Bubbles into an Afrika night at Paddington Town Hall or Johnny Farnham into the Oxford Sex Cinema.
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Last Updated ( Apr 17, 2008 at 09:11 AM )
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The Works of Vern Pullen 
