(Dr. Pullen is Professor Of Advanced Psychotronics at the International Jim Jones Mail Order University and is still waiting for his invitation to last Thursday's 'outrageous' opening of the OZ ROCK CAFE.)

Hey, I missed out on the opening night of the OZ ROCK CAFE and one of the commemorative denim jackets and worst of all the chance to rub shoulders with celebrities like John Farnham, Kenny Rogers, the Doobie Bros, Whispering Jack, Mr. and Mrs. Oz Rock Cafe, Pop Shot Charlie, the Kings Cross Bag Lady, Dorian Wild, Joe The Gadget Man, Dr. William McCoy, Joe Bugner and the Spunk Bubbles. Rubbing commemorative denim jackets together would have been a real buzz as we guzzled gallons of Moet, wiggled our bums to the latest hot thumping disco dance mix (wow!) and peered down upon a sea of Kings Cross lowlife. Hey, I was almost starting to believe 1 was there but I remember now, my Thursday night was spent doing a stock take of my unsold Herbal Life tablets and watching a video nasty.

I guess it's the kind of disappointment that makes you want to go and apply for a head transplant. HEAD TRANSPLANT did you say? Has Dr. Pullen been drinking elephant juice or attending too many five band thrash bills at Max's. No, for once I haven't let my head go and I'm deadly serious when I quote the authoritative WEEKLY WORLD NEWS as they reported the world's first successful HUMAN HEAD TRANSPLANT:

"In the most controversial operation ever, surgeons transplanted a young boy's head onto his sister's body after a horrifying auto accident that destroyed his vital organs and left her brain dead!"

It's no secret that for many years the Jim Jones School Of Applied Medical Research has worked closely with Dr. Herbert West of Miskatonic University, pioneering techniques of human re-animation and bodily rejuve nation. Now with the incredible news that human heads can be succesfully transplanted the way is finally clear for rock'n'roll perpetuity, something that Australian pro moters have dreamed of for the past twenty years. Regular readers of this column will be 'with me' immediately but for those who have only recently joined me I will elaborate on the mind boggling and body juggling potential of this breakthrough.

Hey, let me stick my neck out and predict that Within fifty years rock'n'roll transplants will be as common as Herbal Life salesmen and video pasties. Everybody knows that the body often packs it in sooner than the actual head, in fact some medical authorities have estimated that with a few biological improvements the head could in fact live for ever. Provided we can come up with a good supply of donors there's no reason why tomorrow's pop stars can't equip themselves with an almost brand new wiggling, gyrating, hip shaking body every time they feel they're getting a little creaky in the limbs or when their liver has shrunken to the size of a guitar pick.

For Aussie rock promoters, who have made a fortune bringing out tired old hasbeens year in and year out, it will provide some incredible savings. Cunning promoters will wait just before the artists or artists are about to have their next transplant and then offer to provide the new body or bodies as part of their drink rider or whatever. Think of the enormous saving in flying just a bunch of heads out here instead of the normal twenty-six-man entourage of performers, roadies and beard masseurs.

Heady stuff, indeed, if you'll forgive the pun but could the TALKING HEADS still be touring in the year 2069? And why not a further saving but transplanting two heads to the one body! Simon end Garfunkel could get back together for almost half the cost. And what about. Motorhead, The Headstones, Head Kuepper and The Head Goes On Forever, Big Head, Examplehead and even The Fisherheads? Enough is enough!